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1. In this book, I list 14 reasons why someone is alone, and why it sucks. Choose any 5 of these, describe them in detail, and let me know why you chose each, and if they have any significance to you
Human beings are largely considered social and they need to live with other people to increase their chances of survival. Although people often need to be in the company of others, this is not usually the case. When one is separated from people especially their loved ones for too long, they become vulnerable and lonely. It is no secret that each person feels lonely at one point of their lives although in extreme cases this can be serious. People feel lonely for a variety of reasons including when they lose a loved one, change jobs, fall sick or moving. Feeling lonely is a natural phenomenon that should not worry anybody if it is temporary. One should be worried if they are feeling lonely for extended periods such as several months or years as this can enslave people emotionally and mentally. Extended periods of feeling lonely can negatively determine how people cope with it and this can change their behavior by sidelining them from other people.
The first and most common reason why people are lonely is due to their low self-esteem. Many people who have low self-esteem tend to be critical of them as they feel that nobody can enjoy their company. For a person to have adequate self-esteem, they must first love themselves even before another person can tell them that they are lovely. For instance, if a person feels that they have not achieved as much as his/her peers academically, they will tend to feel less important when in the company of ‘those who have accomplished more academically. In such a scenario, one would easily start pitying their situation and slowly they will start developing signs of lonely. The loneliness that one develops in such a situation would be piling and it is a direct result of low self-esteem.
Many children often tend to have self-esteem issues during their teen years and if not properly checked, it could lead to depression and a feeling of loneliness. The primary reason why I chose this factor is because it is something that I can relate to and I am sure many people can. Every human being has their low moments in their life when they feel like the whole world was against them. Self-esteem has a lot of significance because growing up I battled low self-esteem. As a teenager, I was very uncomfortable with my appearances as I seemed taller for my age. My peers used to make fun out of it and their actions significantly eroded my self-esteem. It made me doubt my capabilities in a lot of thins especially sports although I eventually got to manage the situation.
Another factor that I choose is ‘No effort to be a friend.’ For far too long, people always want to have friendships with people they can trust and who can be there for them (Klinenberg, 2020). What people never realize is that the first friend one should have is themselves. It is vital for anybody who aspires to have good friends to ensure that they themselves are ‘friend material.’ Friendships are vital for our social lives and they are often the social safety nets that can keep us going. Before one can start making friends, they should try and ensure their behavior makes them approachable and likeable. People who have a likeable personality are more likely to attract friends than those who have one that makes them less likeable. In the quest to make friends as a way of escaping loneliness, one must make an effort to be friendly with others. Friendships are built and people will want to be friends with you if they see that you will be beneficial to their lives. If you make an effort to be friends with others by putting their interests first, you will have many people who want you as their friend.
‘No effort to be a friend’ has a lot of significant for me because in most instances, people are always looking for good friends yet themselves are horrible friends. I chose this reason because I do understand that friendship is a two or more people affair. There are a lot of instances when somebody who is supposedly a friend complains of me not reaching out to them without realizing that they also did not reach out to me. When people are true friends, they always look out for each other and in such a scenario nobody will complain for being neglected. I feel that most people are not friends and their interactions with each other are often situational or accidental. If one is not making an effort to create true friendships, they should not expect to have it.
The third reason that I chose is ‘hiding out.’ The perfect example of how ‘hiding out’ can result in loneliness is the impacts of the covid-19 pandemic. At the height of the pandemic when the spread of the corona virus was very high, governments imposed curfews and movement restrictions. Many people found themselves grounded in their homes and for those who live a lonely, it was a horrible experience. People in such situations are vulnerable to loneliness and in most cases they will end up being sad (Morris & Verdasco, 2019). Hiding out alienates people from their loved ones and friends and this is likely to result in loneliness.
I chose this reason because I do know from experience that people tend to hideout when faced with challenges in life. Although people could mistake hiding out as a solution to managing their stress or difficult situations, it can be counterproductive and result in loneliness. Take for instance a person who is experiencing a financial crisis and they decide to hide out in their apartment. Although one might see this as a reprieve and escape route for their problems, they will end up feeling lonely in their apartment as they cannot interact with anybody.
The fourth reason that I chose is misguided assumptions. Some of the things that make people feel lonesome are baseless and founded on misguided assumptions. This especially applies when largely dealing with loneliness that stems from romantic relationships that people have with others. Many people often do not make the effort of trying to make friends my the mere fact that they have assumed they will be rejected. People often assume that they will be rejected, their friendship is not desirable to others or their intellectual capacity does not match that of others and in the end fear making relationships with others. It is vital for a person to acknowledge that it is vital to try doing something than not trying at all. If you want to make friendship with a person, you should reach out to them and see how they react. This is the only way you can know if they need your company or not. Nobody can predict the future and the misguided assumptions that people make can be the underlying factor for their loneliness. Misguided lonesomeness can also be attributed to low self-esteem and lack of communication.
The fifth reason that I chose is ‘you lie to yourself.’ Many people tell themselves lies very often until they look like truth in their minds. Lust can make one believe that they have experienced love in the first sight and continue lying to themselves that they are in love. Human beings are created to love each other although people often fear getting into relationships for the fear of being heartbroken. When people lie to themselves, they fail to take certain steps that could turn their lives around and ensure they are not lonely. If you want to experience love, you must not lie to yourself that you could be cheated on. What you need to do is find a partner and experience it and develop serious relationships. Such a move would ensure you have someone close to you and you never feel alone again. People who are in love are companions to each other and this helps shield them from feelings of loneliness.
I chose ‘you lie to yourself’ because I can personally relate with it. There are several instances when I had the opportunity to introduce myself to a lady and I cpould not take it. This is usually the case if I consider a lady ‘too hot’ or ’too picky’ and the fear that I could be turned down makes me single and lonely. If one does not go outside their way to try and make relationships by telling themselves lies, they will continue living lonely.
2. What can you do if you’re alone, and you don’t want to be alone? List 3 solutions and describe them.
There are several instances when I feel lonely due to a variety of reasons. As a person, I have developed strategies aimed at ensuring I can effectively manage the feeling of loneliness. I feel that loneliness is a mental struggle that anybody can go through and understanding ways to manage them comes in handy. When I am lonely, the most common thing that I do is to listen to soft music as a way of unwinding. For many years music had had a therapeutic impact on my life and this has always been helpful when feeling lonely. Music is medicine to my soul and listening to it always uplifts my mood and creates an atmosphere that feels like I am not alone. Through the music, it is as if I am communicating with the singer. Feeling lonely can be mentally and physically draining and people often get discouraged from engaging in different social activities. For instance, when I feel lonely, I find it challenging to get out of my room and go visit a friend hence listening to music becomes a priority. For any person who is alone and does not want to be alone, listening to music can be of much help in creating an atmosphere as if they are not home alone (Berg-Weger, & Morley, 2020).
There are days when I am home alone and I don’t want to be alone and music cannot be the solution, I try and invite a friend or two for a couple of hours. Having friends around you when you are feeling down and lonely is important in dealing with it. Being in the company of a friend around me gives me a ventilation of my loneliness. Talking to someone about my feelings is always a relief and it goes a long way to brighten up my mood. There are many instances when I have felt lonely and picked my phone and invested a friend for dinner and I will never hesitate to do it if need be. As the saying goes, ‘a problem shared is a problem half solved,’ whether it is heartbreak or a general life problem, having a friend to confine my concerns to be always a priority.
When I am alone and I do not want to be a lone, I sometimes decide to go to the gym. Working out and keeping fit is one of my hobbies and I often visit the gym to avoid a lonesome situation for me. I love going to the gym because I am almost guaranteed that it is never going to be a lonely encounter. There are several instances when I feel lonely and I have decided to hit the gym. I love the gym as it always ensures that I am healthy and energetic enough to move forward. Weight lifting and other exercises helps in releasing stress and keeps me focused on what I want to work on. Going to the gym is a priority for me and it has always helped me ensure I do not have to feel lonely for extended periods of time.
3. What are the DANGERS ( if any) of being alone, living by yourself, or not wanting people in your life?
It is estimated that about half of the human population comprises of introverts who prefer spending time a lone without interacting with people and enhancing their productivity. However this is not usually the case for the other 50 % who are extroverts. Many extroverts thrive in an environment where there are a lot of people. When left alone, extroverts struggle a lot in terms of feeling lonesomeness and this can be problematic in the long term.
The first danger of being lonely for extended periods of time is becoming vulnerable to self-criticism. Scientific research has shown that being a lone is never a good thing for people. When you are a lone, you are likely to start developing self-critical thoughts which often end up being negative. Being alone or feeling lonely can significantly result in one becoming critical of themselves and this can lead them to doubt their capabilities. People who are not sure of their abilities tend to be less productive and successful in their lives due to them being their worst enemies.
Another common cause of loneliness is depression. Many scientists acknowledge that people who are lonely are more liked to be depressed than those who live with others. If people are lonely, the way they perceive their environment changes and their neural responses tend to be suppressed. People who are lonely tend to belief negative thoughts about their abilities hence they are more likely to be depressed in the end. Take for instance a person who is lonely and experiencing financial difficulties. If such a person does not have a promising source of money, they can start thinking that they cannot create wealth and there is no hope for them. Although this might not be the case, these negative thoughts could result in one being depressed (Khalil, 2020).
Generally, being in a state of lonesome can significantly alter your overall well-being and compromise your health. Scientific research have shown that isolation can increase the possibility of mortality increasing. This is attributed to the lack of a strong social network that could help people in depression to avoid suicidal thoughts when they are faced with calamities. Human beings are social beings and having social relations with others can go a long way in helping us cope with loneliness. By so doing, we could be increasing our chances to live a prosperous future for them.
References
Berg-Weger, M., & Morley, J. E. (2020). Loneliness in old age: an unaddressed health problem.
Dor-Haim, P., & Oplatka, I. (2021). Feelings of loneliness among school principals: experiences, causes and copying strategies. Leadership and Policy in Schools, 20(2), 261-276.
Khalil, T. (2020). Managing loneliness as a risk factor in the suicidal behaviour of elderly people in Sweden: A case study in Region Skåne.
Klinenberg, E. (2018). Is loneliness a health epidemic?. International New York Times.Morris, A., & Verdasco, A. (2019). ‘I really have thought this can’t go on’: loneliness looms for rising numbers of older private renters. The Conversation, retrieved on the 12th of June.
